Blogging My Applesauce Experience

I'm just gonna leave the letter to the sparkitors thing. They amuse me. --Amar


Dear Sparkitors-
Are my "dear sparkitors" things annoying? Oh well. They allow me to introduce whatever great work of art/writing I am sending to you. This one happens to be writing. I wrote a blog post for you guys. Hope you like it, it's about applesauce!

Applely Yours,
flyergirl13

Blogging My Applesauce Experience

Today was applesauce day. It's that day once a year in the fall that my mom and I spend all day making applesauce. For those of you who don't know what applesauce is, its apples and awesomesauce combined. Applesauce requires quite a bit of work and effort so it's not for the weak of heart. It is for the weak of stomach, though: you can't resist it!

First, we had to cut apples. We had approximately one hundred apples. Like 1-0-0. It ended up being about 50 pounds, and a whole bunch of bushels because honestly I have no idea how big a bushel is. But anyway, I think you understand its a whole lotta apples. You could probably feed a small country for a week on all the apples we had. And it was my job to cut them up. That's right. Cut every. Single. Apple. Into quarters. I pretended that the apples were bombs and I had to cut them all up before they blew up the world. So you may all thank me that the world is still intact. I'll be expecting some flowers and trophies in the mail shortly.

After the apples were cut (and the world was saved) we put them through the grinder. If you couldn't guess from its name, the grinder grinds stuff. We put the apples in and it separates it into mushed apple and the apple reject parts, like the seeds and the core. I have no idea how it separates them, its magic as far as I'm concerned.

But then it's my job to dispose of the reject parts. Have you noticed I'm being assigned the menial tasks and my mom gets the fun stuff, like turning the crank to mush the apples? Yeah, I noticed too. But I did my jobs anyway, because I love applesauce oh so very much. So I took the rejects to the compost. We have a compost bin, because we are awesomely green and earth-friendly. The compost bin is outside in the yard. So I took about ten trips outside lugging a bowl of apple rejects. Oh, and did I mention it was cold out, and I was barefoot and in a t-shirt and shorts. I guess my laziness to change into more appropriate clothes (and put on some shoes) was not the smartest decision. It's been a few hours and I'm still shivering.

After the apples were suitably separated and mushed, we did some stuff boiling them or something. At this, I kinda got bored of it and wandered off to read SparkLife, so I'm not exactly sure what finishes the process. I just know that I came back and there were 20 bags of warm applesauce on the counter. It's like magic!

So, I guess what you really need to know is:
- I saved the world. It is your job to thank me appropriately
- I'm cold. I wish I had a pair of fuzzy slippers (my mom has these slippers that you heat up in the microwave before you put them on. You're not supposed to microwave them while they're on your feet. I want some, my toes are ready to fall of from hypothermia. I should go put on some socks)
- We have an earth-friendly compost bin, because we love our planet and we don't want to go extinct. These are good reasons for you to get one too. If you don't, your puppy will die from global warming.
- Apple grinders are magic. I'm pretty sure we bought ours from Borgin and Burkes. If you're nice to me, I'll tell you where to get one too.
- If you don't like applesauce, I'm putting you through my apple grinder. Well, no, that would be a bit violent. I respect your likes and dislikes. But...Why? It's made partly of awesomesauce, for [insert deity or Supreme Being of your choice]'s sake!



Those slippers sure would be nice in these Iowan winters.

What's The Point?

Some people are idiots. Here are a couple. --Amar

Dear Sparkitors:
Remember - this is the same as my last post in that when I say that the human race are idiots, I am, of course, excepting certain members, like Sparklers.
--flyergirl13

I love people who do stupid things. It makes life so much more amusing for the rest of us.
Marketing people are experts at screwing up big-time. So much so, it should be an Olympic sport. I can imagine the headline: "Marketers Compete to Screw Up Products In This Year's Summer Olympics". Now that would make me even more excited for the Olympics.

But you'd be surprised how often it happens, when they aren't actually trying to mess up to win fame and fortune and prestige. So here's a couple pictures of some products that will make you scratch your head and scream, "What were they thinking??"

This one I took in the bathroom at a hotel we stayed at. So, what's the point of the toilet??

The company sent us a replacement pole for the leg of our table. On the right, the pole. On the left, the box they sent it in. Not in the image: 3 thousand packing peanuts. And we wonder why the environment is dying?

This I got from the magazine Consumer Reports, which, erm, I, ummm, do not read because I am not a nerd (well, I am, and I do, but...). Read the highlighted part.

Sometimes, you just have to wonder how the human race has managed to survive this long when so many members of our species are such idiots.

Don't you feel proud to be a human?
What other stupid things have you seen people do?

Google Wants to Own Your Soul

Flyergirl's letter to the sparkitors/me says it all. "It's true. Just think about it. You know it." Need I say more? There's no need. Just read. --Amar



flyergirl13

You wake up in the morning, and first thing you do is check your email, on your Gmail account. Maybe you use your Google Android phone to do it. At school, you Google "Chemical Properties of Tungsten" to research for your chemistry project. After school, you use Google Translator to do your impossible French homework (don't tell my French teacher!). You check Google Maps to find the way to your friend's house this evening. There, you discuss Google's latest decorative name thingy. All through your day, Google is on your mind, even in math class when your teacher asks what 1.0x10^50 squared is. It's a googol! And I had to Google the square root of a googol to use that example. See what I mean? Google wants to own your soul, and so far it's well on it's way to doing so.

Gmail
I love Gmail. I'm sending this from my Gmail account. Personally, I think you should get one too, if you don't already have one. Why? Because Google has sent me to make sure that they take over the minds of as many people as possible before they begin world domination.

But really, why DO people choose Gmail over, say, hotmail or any other email service? Because Google has compelled them to, using a mix of hypnosis and bribery ("If you get a Gmail, we'll send you chocolate"). Believe me, I've seen it happen. My whole family has a Gmail account, and most of my friends. This isn't a coincidence, Google has forced us to. It happens after you've said the world "Google" one too many times. Watch out!

Google
This is the easiest way to prove Google's evil motives: their primary function, as a search engine. They are easily the most popular search engine out there. Heck, Google is my homepage! And it's the only one that's a verb. Have you ever heard someone say, 'I'll Yahoo it"? I thought not. Google has also spawned a series of Google knockoffs, including BING (Because It's Not Google). My school has Bing set as the primary search engine instead of Google, so I always enter "google" to switch because I refuse to use anything but Google. Sorry, but I'm a search engine snob.

Google Maps
Google is evil. Mapquest was doing so well, then Google came out with Google Maps, and now, who here has ever heard of Mapquest? I just Googled Mapquest to see what it's like, and my verdict: not as good as Google. And have you ever found your house on Google Maps, and used Streetview to see if you can see yourself? Every time you do that, Google saves the information. Yes, that is what I mean. Google knows where you sleep. Scared? I am.

Google Doodles
I am in love with these things. Every day, I check Google. If there is a Google Doodle, then it means it will be a good day. No Google Doodle means a sad day. It's like a horoscope, except more accurate because, of course, Google knows everything about you, and they can personalize the horoscope to suit you.

It may seem harmless right now. But watch out! Someday Google will use the information for evil. They will compile their information on every single person in the world. Then, they will visit your house (which they know from their Google Maps info) and electrify you with their mindpower. You will become a Google slave, who is unable to do anything but stumble around mumbling "Google" repeatedly. You will walk like a zombie, with your arms outstretched, and feed on nothing but little candy letters that spell "google". Then the Google CEOs will come and suck out your soul, because they're secretly dementors. It's a fate I would wish on nobody, so I urge you to take these precautionary steps:

1. Eat lots of chocolate!
Then, you will be unmoved by Google's promises of chocolate. They will no longer have a weapon to use against you.

2. Buy a road map.
Paper kills trees, but it's better than having your soul killed.

3. While you're at it, buy every book in the world.
Then, there will be no need to Google anything.

4. Create a search engine called "Poodle"
It's like Google, except a funnier name. Then, you will employ the same techniques and steal world domination from right under those dementor-CEO's noses. Mwhahahaha!

Thanks for saving us all, flyergirl.

Blogging My Day at Splash

When I saw the title, I thought this was a really epic water park. Even though I was hoping for swimming, this is just as cool. Maybe even cooler. *mind is blown* --Amar

flyergirl13

"Splash" is a weekend program at MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) that I went to this past weekend. It takes place on Saturday and Sunday, and you can go all day to take student-run classes. The classes can be on any topic from Theoretical Physics to How To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse. Basically, there's something there for everyone. Splash is open to anyone in grades 7-12, and it's a blast. This was my second year attending, and it was just as incredible as before. It's epic, exactly the sort of event you would expect Sparklers to go to.

Unfortunately, I was busy on Saturday and I could only go to the Sunday classes. There are almost a hundred (a complete guesstimate) classes running on Sunday, anywhere from one to eight hours long, so I still had plenty to choose from.

7:00 AM - Wake up. I'm confused, thinking it's a school day, because why on Earth would my alarm be going off on a weekend? Then remeber: Splahs today! Roll out of bed, put on my epic Pac-Man t-shirt. There are lots of epic people at Splash, so it will surely be appreciated.

7:30 AM - My sister, age 12, has a mental breakdown. This is her first time at Splash and she's scared that she'll get lost on the MIT campus. I comfort her and tell her not to worry, the monsters only live in the underground tunnels and only venture above-ground occasionally.

8:00 AM - Leave on the forty-minute drive to Boston. Classes start at 9, so we have plenty of time.

8:45 AM - Check in. They print me a schedule, showing my classes for the day. You pre-register for classes a few weeks before the actual event, online at the Splash website.

8:46 AM - What is this madness? I don't want to take "Learn to Read a Poem"! I have Sparknotes for that! I quickly switch into the "Samuri versus Ninja" class. Far more epic to meet my awesomeness standards.

8:52 AM - A random guy comes up to me and compliments my Pac-Man shirt.

8:57 AM - Race up six flights of stairs to the top of the building for my first class, "Making Chainmaille". I see that I'm at the top and climb the last flight to see if the door to the roof is unlocked. It isn't, and now my legs really hurt. I trudge back down and find the classroom.

9:02 AM - Whoa! The teacher is really good at making chainmaille. She made a chainmaille dress for her senior prom, and brought it to show us. I pick it up. It weighed at least fifty pounds.

9:20 AM - I've mastered the simple weave, and start making a little patch of chainmaille. My fingers are turning black from this, and these pliers are really small and hard to hold. Oh well. This is fun.

9:50 AM -  I expand on my little patch of chainmaille. It's taken forever to get a four-by-four inch square. I have no idea how she found time to make a whole prom dress.

10:10 AM - I make a chainmaille bracelet, complete with a clasp. I'll wear it to school tomorrow and my friends will think I'm either awesome or crazy.

10:40 AM - I start a new bracelet, this one with colored links. It's beautiful. I love chainmaille. I want to be a knight when I grow up.

10:55 AM - The class is just about over, so she gives us lots of extra rings so we can finish at home. My bag rips and they scatter all over inside my backpack. I'll pick them up later.

11:02 AM - Find the room for my next class, "Learn to Juggle".

11:06 AM - I wonder why there's no one else here yet.

11:09 AM - Yes, this is the right room. I wonder why...oh, wait, there's a sign on the door. What?! My class has been canceled? What is this madness?

11:11 AM - I have nothing to do for the next hour. I explore for a little while. They basically let you run free on MIT campus, so it's pretty awesome.

11:27 AM - I go back to chainmaille class. the teacher has another class, but she lets me stay. They're really lax about that stuff, so it's all good.

11:49 AM - Finish my second bracelet. I love it. I'm so proud.

11:56 AM - Replenish my supply of extra rings and go to my next class, "Candy Wrapper Art"

12:04 PM - We're going to be making bracelets out of Starburst wrappers! Wow, I'm going to have a lot of bracelets by the end of this.

12:10 PM - Not only do we get to make the bracelet, we get to eat the Starburst to get the wrappers! Could this get any better?

12:17 PM - Wow. This is really hard. Why are these so hard to fold?

12:40 PM - It's been forty minutes and my bracelet is two inches long. This is harder than it looks.

12:55 PM - Stuff twenty Starburst and my three-inch bracelet into my backpack. I'll finish it later.

1:03 PM - Call my sister. We're supposed to meet up for lunch.

1:07 PM - My sister shows me the way to lunch. What is this? She's supposed to be the noob who doesn't know her way around,a and I'm supposed to be the expert who can find a needle in this haystack of a school. This isn't how it's supposed to work.

1:12 PM - Okay, I probably would never have found this without her. Jeez. She's already eaten, so she abandons me. How will I find my way back?

1:15 PM - Pizza! Nomnomnom.

1:20 PM - I sit with some awesome girls, one from Canada and one from Maryland. They compliment my Pac-Man shirt.

1:23 PM - We discuss the Harry Potter movie and compare it to the books. I like these people.

1:33 PM - We discuss xkcd. I like these people.

1:41 PM - We bash Twilight. I like these people.

1:55 PM - Lunch is over, and I must part ways with the awesome people I met. I get their e-mails and forget to ask if they are Sparklers. They must be, because only a Sparkler could be that awesome.

2:04 PM - My "Samuri versus Ninja" class. I'm rooting for ninjas.

2:45 PM - Wow, Samuris have cool swords! I want to be a Samuri.

3:20 PM - Ninjas are epic! They can jump over walls and they can pretend to walk on water. I want to be a ninja.

3:40 PM - No, I want to be a Samuri! They have cool armor.

3:55 PM - No, I want to be a ninja. They have black outfits.

4:00 PM - Aww, it's over, and I don't know what I want to be!

4:05 PM - "Set" class. Set is an awesome card game. I know how to play, and I sit at the Pro table.

4:10 PM - These people are REALLY good. I've found two sets the whole game. I lost.

4:12 PM -I will not quit and go to the intermediate table. I will not quit and go to the intermediate table.

4:25 PM - YES! I won a game! I got seven sets, but I won!

4:26 PM - I win a Silly Band. It's a hippo. I add it to the collection on my wrists, which also includes my Starburst bracelet (I finished it during my ninja class).

4:55 PM - That was fun. I only won once, but it was really challenging. How are these people so good??

5:02 PM - "Things You Could Do In Ancient Rome but Not Today" Basically we learn about the crazy idiotic emperors.

5:15 PM - Apparently, Augustus Caesar wrote a laundry list of everything he did in his life. It includes lines like "I became the master of everything by the consent of all" but he still manages to sound completely modest while he brags about everything. That guy was a genius.

5:25 PM - We read Cicero's Phillipics against Marc Antony. Basically, it's a huge political speech bashing him in every way possible. I wish modern politics were this awesome.

5:45 PM - So Emperor Caligula dressed up some of his soldiers as enemies, and paraded them through Rome to prove that he could actually capture some enemies in battle. This guy was hilarious.

5:55 PM - Aww, it's over! I want to hear more about stupid Ancient Romans.

6:02 PM - "Make Things Out of Duct Tape" class! I already know how to do this, so I go over and show off my duct-tape-flower-amking skills.

6:07 PM - Three people admire my flower.

6:12 PM - A guy give me a scone in trade for me teaching him how to make a flower. I accept.

6:13 PM - He compliments my Pac-Man shirt.

6:15 PM - He has buttons on his backpack. I admire them. I tell the table about my one lonely button - It has a Tardis on it and says "Time And Relative Dimensions In Space".

6:16 PM - Everyone at the table knows what a Tardis is. I love these people.

6:22 PM - I try to trade a duct tape flower for one of his buttons, but he refuses.

6:31 PM - I show them my duct tape turtle that my brother gave me. They are jealous.

6:34 PM - I end up with about a dozen e-email addresses total

6:40 PM - A whole group of us leaves. We hang out by the entrance with a Free Hugs sign, and get about two dozen takers.

7:00 PM - We sit in two lines by the door, so that anyone who leaves has to go in between. We applaud anyone who passes through.

7:05 PM - Aww! Splash is over! It was so much fun, and I had a great time, I can't wait until Spark in the spring!

Who else thinks wants a chainmail bracelet? I know I do. Hmm...What can I bribe Flyergirl with?