Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Blogging My Applesauce Experience

I'm just gonna leave the letter to the sparkitors thing. They amuse me. --Amar

Dear Sparkitors-
Are my "dear sparkitors" things annoying? Oh well. They allow me to introduce whatever great work of art/writing I am sending to you. This one happens to be writing. I wrote a blog post for you guys. Hope you like it, it's about applesauce!

Applely Yours,

Blogging My Applesauce Experience

Today was applesauce day. It's that day once a year in the fall that my mom and I spend all day making applesauce. For those of you who don't know what applesauce is, its apples and awesomesauce combined. Applesauce requires quite a bit of work and effort so it's not for the weak of heart. It is for the weak of stomach, though: you can't resist it!

First, we had to cut apples. We had approximately one hundred apples. Like 1-0-0. It ended up being about 50 pounds, and a whole bunch of bushels because honestly I have no idea how big a bushel is. But anyway, I think you understand its a whole lotta apples. You could probably feed a small country for a week on all the apples we had. And it was my job to cut them up. That's right. Cut every. Single. Apple. Into quarters. I pretended that the apples were bombs and I had to cut them all up before they blew up the world. So you may all thank me that the world is still intact. I'll be expecting some flowers and trophies in the mail shortly.

After the apples were cut (and the world was saved) we put them through the grinder. If you couldn't guess from its name, the grinder grinds stuff. We put the apples in and it separates it into mushed apple and the apple reject parts, like the seeds and the core. I have no idea how it separates them, its magic as far as I'm concerned.

But then it's my job to dispose of the reject parts. Have you noticed I'm being assigned the menial tasks and my mom gets the fun stuff, like turning the crank to mush the apples? Yeah, I noticed too. But I did my jobs anyway, because I love applesauce oh so very much. So I took the rejects to the compost. We have a compost bin, because we are awesomely green and earth-friendly. The compost bin is outside in the yard. So I took about ten trips outside lugging a bowl of apple rejects. Oh, and did I mention it was cold out, and I was barefoot and in a t-shirt and shorts. I guess my laziness to change into more appropriate clothes (and put on some shoes) was not the smartest decision. It's been a few hours and I'm still shivering.

After the apples were suitably separated and mushed, we did some stuff boiling them or something. At this, I kinda got bored of it and wandered off to read SparkLife, so I'm not exactly sure what finishes the process. I just know that I came back and there were 20 bags of warm applesauce on the counter. It's like magic!

So, I guess what you really need to know is:
- I saved the world. It is your job to thank me appropriately
- I'm cold. I wish I had a pair of fuzzy slippers (my mom has these slippers that you heat up in the microwave before you put them on. You're not supposed to microwave them while they're on your feet. I want some, my toes are ready to fall of from hypothermia. I should go put on some socks)
- We have an earth-friendly compost bin, because we love our planet and we don't want to go extinct. These are good reasons for you to get one too. If you don't, your puppy will die from global warming.
- Apple grinders are magic. I'm pretty sure we bought ours from Borgin and Burkes. If you're nice to me, I'll tell you where to get one too.
- If you don't like applesauce, I'm putting you through my apple grinder. Well, no, that would be a bit violent. I respect your likes and dislikes. But...Why? It's made partly of awesomesauce, for [insert deity or Supreme Being of your choice]'s sake!

Those slippers sure would be nice in these Iowan winters.