Thursday, March 24, 2011

What's The Point?

Some people are idiots. Here are a couple. --Amar

Dear Sparkitors:
Remember - this is the same as my last post in that when I say that the human race are idiots, I am, of course, excepting certain members, like Sparklers.

I love people who do stupid things. It makes life so much more amusing for the rest of us.
Marketing people are experts at screwing up big-time. So much so, it should be an Olympic sport. I can imagine the headline: "Marketers Compete to Screw Up Products In This Year's Summer Olympics". Now that would make me even more excited for the Olympics.

But you'd be surprised how often it happens, when they aren't actually trying to mess up to win fame and fortune and prestige. So here's a couple pictures of some products that will make you scratch your head and scream, "What were they thinking??"

This one I took in the bathroom at a hotel we stayed at. So, what's the point of the toilet??

The company sent us a replacement pole for the leg of our table. On the right, the pole. On the left, the box they sent it in. Not in the image: 3 thousand packing peanuts. And we wonder why the environment is dying?

This I got from the magazine Consumer Reports, which, erm, I, ummm, do not read because I am not a nerd (well, I am, and I do, but...). Read the highlighted part.

Sometimes, you just have to wonder how the human race has managed to survive this long when so many members of our species are such idiots.

Don't you feel proud to be a human?
What other stupid things have you seen people do?

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Awesome Thing of the Week

This was sent by jewbiegirl.

You can talk to Tom Riddle!
It's his diary!
We  stole it  found it laying around, and we just though we'd share it with you.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Some Really Weird Place Names

Who wants to go travel with me? --Amar


A few months ago, in my AP Human Geography class, my teacher showed us some really weird place names. We were learning about place names and how they reflect the cultural and physical aspects of the place, so it was not a discussion that came out of nowhere! Here are three of the weirdest place names:

1. Hell, Norway
Of course, Hell, Norway, wasn’t named Hell to emphasize how it’s a place for the eternally damned. The name comes from the Old Norse word hellir, which means “cliff.” Hell in Norwegian also means “luck.” What’s most amusing about this place name is that it’s really cold. Temperatures during winter can get to -20 degrees Celsius in Hell. All Hell has frozen over, after all.

2. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Wales I love long words, so this place name obviously caught my attention. This village was originally called “'Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll.” To get more publicity, it lengthened its name.
In English, the name means “St Mary's Church in a hollow of white hazel near the swirling whirlpool of the church of St Tysilio with a red cave.” It’s pronounced “Llan-vire-pooll-guin-gill-go-ger-u-chwurn-drob-ooll-llantus-ilio-gogo-goch.”

3. F*cking, Austria
Yes, this is an actual place. It’s pronounced “Foo-king.” The place was founded by someone named Focko in the sixth century. The Germanic suffix “-ing” was added to indicate that this village was the place of “Focko’s people.” After 20 years, the lord was Adalpertus de Fucingin. The spelling has evolved over the years, from Vucchingen to Fukching to its current spelling. This place was discovered by American and British soldiers stationed nearby after World War II. They took pictures of themselves standing next to the street signs, which, by the way, have been stolen so much by eager souvenir hunters that, in 2005, they were made theft-resistant. The village people didn’t get what the big deal was because they hadn’t known what it meant in English.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Google Wants to Own Your Soul

Flyergirl's letter to the sparkitors/me says it all. "It's true. Just think about it. You know it." Need I say more? There's no need. Just read. --Amar


You wake up in the morning, and first thing you do is check your email, on your Gmail account. Maybe you use your Google Android phone to do it. At school, you Google "Chemical Properties of Tungsten" to research for your chemistry project. After school, you use Google Translator to do your impossible French homework (don't tell my French teacher!). You check Google Maps to find the way to your friend's house this evening. There, you discuss Google's latest decorative name thingy. All through your day, Google is on your mind, even in math class when your teacher asks what 1.0x10^50 squared is. It's a googol! And I had to Google the square root of a googol to use that example. See what I mean? Google wants to own your soul, and so far it's well on it's way to doing so.

I love Gmail. I'm sending this from my Gmail account. Personally, I think you should get one too, if you don't already have one. Why? Because Google has sent me to make sure that they take over the minds of as many people as possible before they begin world domination.

But really, why DO people choose Gmail over, say, hotmail or any other email service? Because Google has compelled them to, using a mix of hypnosis and bribery ("If you get a Gmail, we'll send you chocolate"). Believe me, I've seen it happen. My whole family has a Gmail account, and most of my friends. This isn't a coincidence, Google has forced us to. It happens after you've said the world "Google" one too many times. Watch out!

This is the easiest way to prove Google's evil motives: their primary function, as a search engine. They are easily the most popular search engine out there. Heck, Google is my homepage! And it's the only one that's a verb. Have you ever heard someone say, 'I'll Yahoo it"? I thought not. Google has also spawned a series of Google knockoffs, including BING (Because It's Not Google). My school has Bing set as the primary search engine instead of Google, so I always enter "google" to switch because I refuse to use anything but Google. Sorry, but I'm a search engine snob.

Google Maps
Google is evil. Mapquest was doing so well, then Google came out with Google Maps, and now, who here has ever heard of Mapquest? I just Googled Mapquest to see what it's like, and my verdict: not as good as Google. And have you ever found your house on Google Maps, and used Streetview to see if you can see yourself? Every time you do that, Google saves the information. Yes, that is what I mean. Google knows where you sleep. Scared? I am.

Google Doodles
I am in love with these things. Every day, I check Google. If there is a Google Doodle, then it means it will be a good day. No Google Doodle means a sad day. It's like a horoscope, except more accurate because, of course, Google knows everything about you, and they can personalize the horoscope to suit you.

It may seem harmless right now. But watch out! Someday Google will use the information for evil. They will compile their information on every single person in the world. Then, they will visit your house (which they know from their Google Maps info) and electrify you with their mindpower. You will become a Google slave, who is unable to do anything but stumble around mumbling "Google" repeatedly. You will walk like a zombie, with your arms outstretched, and feed on nothing but little candy letters that spell "google". Then the Google CEOs will come and suck out your soul, because they're secretly dementors. It's a fate I would wish on nobody, so I urge you to take these precautionary steps:

1. Eat lots of chocolate!
Then, you will be unmoved by Google's promises of chocolate. They will no longer have a weapon to use against you.

2. Buy a road map.
Paper kills trees, but it's better than having your soul killed.

3. While you're at it, buy every book in the world.
Then, there will be no need to Google anything.

4. Create a search engine called "Poodle"
It's like Google, except a funnier name. Then, you will employ the same techniques and steal world domination from right under those dementor-CEO's noses. Mwhahahaha!

Thanks for saving us all, flyergirl.