How to Win at Apples to Apples

Sarge will help you pwn others in life. Okay, maybe it's just in one game, but c'est la vie. That means "Life is a game," right? --Amar

sgtpepper191

Apples to Apples is “a game of hilarious comparisons,” where each of the players match the noun cards in their hands to an adjective card, with the most appropriate (but, more often, funniest) card winning.  Anyone who’s ever played this game knows that there are some cards that just own.  There’s nothing to be done about it.  As soon as one of these doozies is flipped over, everyone else just knows they’ve wasted their cards, while the lucky surefire winner performs a victorious Cha-Cha Slide.  To help you get on the better end of this arrangement, I’ve compiled a list of twenty of the Apples to Apples cards that are absolutely, 100% guaranteed to win you the round. * (But first, you might want to work on your Cha-Cha Slide.  You can’t tell right from left at your age, really?)

1. Helen Keller
2. Cabbage
3. Communists
4. Oil Spills
5. Ninjas
6. Trailer Parks
7. Michael Jackson
8. Steak and Potatoes
9. Mad Cow Disease
10. Rednecks
11. Mahatma Gandhi
12. Ear Wax
13. Sean Connery
14. Duct Tape
15. Judge Judy
16. Cheesecake
17. Clowns
18. Telemarketers
19. Jelly Beans
20. Sparklers

Oh wait….maybe that last one only works for us.

(* I can’t vouch for what would happen if two of these cards are played in the same round, but the world could very well come to an end.)

I think the last one is the best. Don't you?
What cards do you think would win Apples to Apples?